Are You There Business? It’s Me, Information Security

Are you there Business? It’s me, Information Security. We need to talk. I know you’re busy generating revenue and keeping the lights on, but we’ve got some critical matters to discuss. I feel like everyone hates me and thinks I’m a nag. Every time I want to talk to you about patching and vulnerabilities, I’m ignored. I’m so scared, because I’m always trying to secure the network so the bad guys don’t get into it, but no one wants to help me make sure that doesn’t happen. Honestly, I don’t feel heard. It seems like everything is about you all the time. I get it. I wouldn’t have a job without you, but I really need to feel respected in this relationship. Because let’s be honest with each other for once, if you’re breached, I’m probably the one that’s getting fired.

I understand that you don’t always remember passwords, which is why you write them down or use your pet’s name. I know that it’s takes a lot of time to follow rules that don’t always make sense. But this is important, so could you find a way to work with me?  I’d really appreciate it, because I feel so frightened and alone.

Yours Truly,

Infosec

P.S. Could you please stop using the word “cyber”in everything? I really hate that term.

P.P.S. And yes, I’m blocking porn because it really does have malware. But also because HR told me to. So please don’t get mad at me.i-wonder-if-9jgrq0

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